Let’s face it, dating after 30 can feel like navigating a minefield. You’ve got baggage (who doesn’t?), a career that’s hopefully going somewhere, and you’re probably tired of swiping through endless profiles that lead to nowhere. But what if there was a way to approach dating with more intention and clarity? Enter conscious dating, and it all starts with defining your five and five: your five must-haves and five deal-breakers in a partner.
Think of it like building a house. You wouldn’t lay a foundation on shaky ground, would you? The same goes for relationships. Knowing what you absolutely need in a partner and what you absolutely won’t tolerate is crucial for building a solid and fulfilling relationship.
So, how do you figure out your five and five? Grab a notebook or open your notes app and let’s get started.
Your Must-Haves: Building a Relationship on Solid Ground
What are the non-negotiable qualities that you absolutely must have in a partner? These are the things that will make you feel happy, secure, and fulfilled in a relationship. Here are a few examples to get you thinking:
- Intelligence: Do you crave stimulating conversations and someone who can challenge you intellectually?
- Sense of Humour: Laughter is the best medicine, right? Is a shared sense of humour essential for you?
- Kindness: Do you value empathy and compassion in a partner?
- Independence: Do you need someone who has their own life and interests outside of the relationship?
- Physical Attraction: Let’s be honest, physical attraction is important! What level of physical attraction is a must-have for you?
Your Deal-Breakers: Avoiding Relationship Pitfalls
What are the absolute no-gos that would make a relationship impossible for you? These are the things that would make you feel unhappy, unsafe, or unfulfilled. Consider these examples:
- Constant negativity and complaining
- Imagine a soundtrack of whining playing in the background of your life—not exactly a recipe for a happy relationship.
- Controlling or manipulative behaviour
- Do you value freedom and autonomy? Controlling behavior can be a major red flag.
- Disrespectful or demeaning towards you or others
- How someone treats others, particularly those in service roles, can be very telling.
- Untreated mental health issues
- While mental health is important, untreated mental health issues that significantly impact your life can strain a relationship.
- Victim mentality
- It’s important to have a partner who takes responsibility for their own actions and choices.
Your Five and Five: The Key to Conscious Dating
Your five and five is a roadmap for your dating journey, helping you avoid wasting time on relationships that are doomed to fail. It’s about making conscious choices and being intentional about who you let into your life.
Of course, your list may evolve over time as you learn more about yourself and what you truly value in a partner. But having a starting point is crucial. Remember, dating should be about finding someone who complements your life, not completes it. So, build your cake of a life, and the icing will come.
